If you have an active addiction then it is impossible to live
you have been in a family or relationship affected by addiction and have not
healed from the effects of the addiction it may be very difficult to “Live
Brilliantly”; with help it will be possible.
Trying to control your addiction or another person’s addiction is an impossible
task that takes a lot of energy; you may be able to survive but you will not
be able to thrive. Lack of information and insight into how another person’s
addiction has affected you in the past may also lead to “energy leaks” that
keep you from focusing on your needs and wants.
Substance addictions include alcohol, street drugs, prescriptions drugs, over
the counter drugs and even sugar (for food addicts). Process addictions
include but are not limited to: relationship addiction; sex addiction; eating
disorders; exercise addiction; compulsive over or under spending; work addiction;
gambling. In the words of one man I worked with “everything I touch can
become an addiction”.
People use addictive substances and behaviours to avoid pain or to increase
pleasure. Addictions are progressive. The stages of addiction can be identified
as I as “fun”, “fun with consequences” and finally “consequences”.
What starts as a friend ends up as an enemy. The effects of substance and
process addictions are not limited to the people with the addiction; most people
who have been in families or relationship where addictions are present have some
current or long term after-effects due to their exposure to the crazy- making
influences of the addiction. Children who grow up with addictions in their
family of origin are more likely to end up with an addiction problem themselves
or are more likely to be in a relationship with someone with an addiction. Some
people remain unaware of the effects of family addictions on their life until
they realise their child has an addiction.
You do not need to deal with addictions alone. Get help so you can move
on to create the life you want and to “Live brilliantly”.
If you have been traumatized in your life and the trauma has not
been resolved or healed you will find it difficult to “Live brilliantly” because
the past will be present in the “here and now”. You may be
depressed or anxious or react in a way which seems, to you or to others, to
be disproportional to the situation. You may have consistently been unable
to get out of, or stay out of, difficult or harmful situations.
You may be experiencing symptoms of post traumatic stress disorder when an
event in your past is re-experienced in the here and now. For example: when you
respond, under certain circumstances: like a “deer in the head lights”;
with a “fight or flight” response; when you feel, think and behave
like a young child.
Trauma sounds dramatic and sometimes it is; you may be aware that you have
been traumatized if you have been abused physically, sexually or emotionally
or if you have survived a car accident, an environmental disaster, or being
present during a death. Other traumas may not be as dramatic but may
also have a long lasting impact. In childhood we have almost
all experienced an off hand remark from someone important to us or punishment
from a mean teacher. You
would not be alone if something you experienced years ago seems to “stick
in your mind”.
Many traumas do get resolved over time and some do not. I often have clients
who say “I used to be able to handle it all and now I just can’t”;
this maybe that there is now more to handle or you maybe recycling through
a developmental phase due to events in your life.
It is difficult to resolve trauma alone. I invite you to get help so you
can move on to create the life you want and to “Live Brilliantly”.
Change is the one thing in life we can count and it is not always easy. If
you are in the process of a transition, even one you have chosen, you may feel
that you are just doing what you need to do to get through the day. The
time when you will be able “Live Brilliantly” may seem far away or
Transitions include: a divorce; a job loss; a career change; the
death of someone close; a serious illness; a move to a new home,
town or city; a new relationship; a change in life stage; a change in
There are many reasons that someone may have difficulty adjusting to a transition. If
you are in a situation which you did not choose you may not have had any “warm
up” or preparation for the change in your life. If you chose the
transition you may not have had a “warm up” to the complexity of
the change. Your thoughts and feelings about the transitions may not be
those you expected to experience. It may be you have never been in this
circumstance before and do not have the necessary information to make decisions
or you may not have the necessary support to follow through with your decision.
If you are finding a transition difficult you do not need to figure it out
all alone. I invite you to get help so you can move on to create the life you
want and to “Live Brilliantly”.
If you have are not satisfied with your sex life and your sex life is important
to you then it will be difficult to “Live Brilliantly”. During
their life time most people will experience some temporary sexual difficulty. Some
of these difficulties may become chronic if the issues are not addressed. Sexual
desire, arousal and responsiveness may be affected, directly or indirectly,
by addictions, trauma or transitions.
If you have addressed issues of addiction, trauma or transition then you may
be ready to deal with some sexuality issues which may have resulted from your
more recent issues. On the other hand you may have felt as though you’ve “always
had these problems” and we can work together to figure out the origin
of these difficulties.
Some people seek sex therapy to help and find that all they need is some permission
to have a good sex life, some information and specific suggestions to address
their difficulty. Other people may find that their issue is more complex
and some psychotherapy is necessary to deal with unconscious issues or patterns
which keep them from achieving their desired sex life.
If you have a sexual difficulty, solutions are available. Sex therapy involves
a complete history and assessment to determine the appropriate treatment. I usually
recommend people see their family doctor for a medical to screen for any physical
factors which could contribute to the problem. Once you are assessed
I will make recommendations which will include specific instructions and recommendations
for you to try, in the privacy of your own home, alone or with your partner.
You will then report back to me concerning what worked and what did not work.
If you experience sexual difficulty it may be easier than you think to find
a solution. I invite you to get some expert help so you can move on
to create the life you want and to “Live Brilliantly”.
Just to be clear: I do not engage in any physical contact with clients
and therapy sessions are a totally “clothes on experience”.